Friday, January 4, 2008

Five Best...Bacon Songs

#5. "Muskrat Love" by the Captain and Tennille

Nibbling on bacon, chewin' on cheese
Sammy says to Susie "Honey, would you please be my missus?"
And she say yes
With her kisses

#4. "What's Good?" by Lou Reed

Life's like a mayonnaise soda
And life's like space without room
And life's like bacon and ice cream
That's what life's like without you

#3. "Death by Cholesterol" by Mucky Pup

Death by cholesterol,
Death by cholesterol,
Eggs, bacon, Crisco, butter, these will make your heart stutter.
Eggs, bacon, Crisco, butter, these will make your heart stutter.

#2. "Piggies" by the Beatles

Everywhere there's lots of piggies,
Living piggy lives.
You can see them out for dinner
With their piggy wives,
Clutching forks and knives to eat their bacon.

#1. "Incomin' Bacon" by Zack Attack

You know, baby, I don’t really dig
Flyin' strips of Porky Pig
Incomin' bacon
Duck 'n' cover
She’s hurlin' bacon at her brother
Duck 'n' cover
She’s hurlin' bacon at her brother

(I've never heard of Zack Attack and the only thing I know about them is that they have an album called Constipated, but those are some mighty funny lyrics)

Any post about bacon must include this conversation:

Vincent: Want some bacon?
Jules: No man, I don't eat pork.
Vincent: Are you Jewish?
Jules: Nah, I ain't Jewish, I just don't dig on swine, that's all.
Vincent: Why not?
Jules: Pigs are filthy animals. I don't eat filthy animals.
Vincent: Bacon tastes gooood. Pork chops taste gooood.
Jules: Hey, sewer rat may taste like pumpkin pie, but I'd never know 'cause I wouldn't eat the filthy motherfucker. Pigs sleep and root in shit. That's a filthy animal. I ain't eat nothin' that ain't got enough sense enough to disregard its own feces.
Vincent: How about a dog? Dogs eats its own feces.
Jules: I don't eat dog either.
Vincent: Yeah, but do you consider a dog to be a filthy animal?
Jules: I wouldn't go so far as to call a dog filthy but they're definitely dirty. But a dog's got personality. Personality goes a long way.
Vincent: Ah, so by that rationale, if a pig had a better personality, he would cease to be a filthy animal. Is that true?
Jules: Well we'd have to be talkin' about one charmin' motherfuckin' pig. I mean he'd have to be ten times more charmin' than that Arnold on Green Acres, you know what I'm sayin'?