Five Best...George Songs

#5. "George E. Porge" by Les Claypool and the Holy Mackerel

He's born in Beverly Hills
But raised in Albuquerque
All the little girls, they thought him fine
But George E. Porge, he's kissed the girls
And felt he'd rather kiss the boys
And speculates if now is not the time

#4. "Sultans of Swing" by Dire Straits

You check out Guitar George, he knows all the chords
Mind he's strictly rhythm, he doesn't want to make it cry or sing
And an old guitar is all, he can afford
When he gets up under the lights to play his thing

#3. "The Village Green Preservation Society" by the Kinks

We are the Draught Beer Preservation Society.
God save Mrs. Mopp and good ol' Mother Riley.
We are the Custard Pie Appreciation Consortium.
God save the George Cross, and all those who were awarded them.

#2. "George Jackson" by Bob Dylan

Sent him off to prison
For a seventy-dollar robbery.
Closed the door behind him
And they threw away the key.
Lord, Lord,
They cut George Jackson down.
Lord, Lord,
They laid him in the ground.

#1. "Madame George" by Van Morrison

Down on Cyprus Avenue
With a childlike vision leaping into view
Clicking, clacking of the high heeled shoe
Ford & Fitzroy, Madame George

More George:

Five Best...Scapegoat Songs

#5. "Scapegoat" by Chumbawamba

Scapegoat
Looking for a scapegoat
There's always someone else for
You to blame
Backed into a corner
He barricades his life
Fastens up the shutters every night

#4. "Sacrificial Bonfire" by XTC

The scapegoat blood spilled
Spittled and grilled it crackled and spat
And children grew fat on the meat
Change must be earnt
Sacrificial bonfire must burn

#3. "Ballad in Plain D" by Bob Dylan

Of the two sisters, I loved the young.
With sensitive instincts, she was the creative one.
The constant scapegoat, she was easily undone
By the jealousy of others around her.

#2. "Endless Highway" by the Band

When they get a scapegoat by the throat
It's hard labour and cold beans
If ya get away real quick
You'll be eatin' from the poison peanut machine
Well, I sing by night, wander by day
I'm on the road and it looks like I'm here to stay

#1. "The Sound of Music" by Joy Division

I'll walk you through the heartbreak,
Show you all the out takes,
I can't see it getting higher,
Systematically degraded,
Emotionally a scapegoat,
I can't see it getting better.

Live or Let Live or Die?

My laptop has been on the fritz the last couple of days and my pictures of Israel are on it, which is why I haven't posted Vol. II of my trip. Once the computer is fixed, I'll be sure to continue with my adventures.

While in Israel, I was listening to a kid from Houston, Texas named Eric have a friendly argument with another Sachlav participant about whether they'd rather live to be 100 but be in more pain or live only to 75 but have those years full of joy and the least amount of agony possible.

At one point, every teenager (and even into the adult years) has this argument, whether internally or externally. Personally, I'd rather live a full 75 than a so-so 100 (Eric thought the same thing), and I was thinking about this yesterday when I heard this:

I'd rather die happy than not die at all
And a man is a fool who will not heed the call

That's from "W.S. Walcott Medicine Show" by the Band, and sums up perfectly what millions of wasted words in thousands of naive arguments couldn't fully sum up.

Five Best...Chinatown Songs

#5. “Shoot Out in Chinatown” by the Band

Shoot out in Chinatown
They nailed up every door
They're gonna level it to the ground
And close it up for evermore

#4. “Why Can’t We Be Friends” by War

I seen you walkin' down in Chinatown
I called you but you could not look around

#3. “Shore Leave” by Tom Waits

And I wondered how the same moon outside
Over this Chinatown fair
Could look down on Illinois
And find you there
And you know I love you baby.

#2. “Fat” by Weird Al

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than Chinatown

#1. “Chinatown Calculation” by Doug and the Slugs

Whoever the new mystery man is
I've got to admit, he knows his business
You're reading me now
From the right to the left
And it's coming out just the way you might expect
Chinatown Calculation.
That's cool with no regrets.
(Chop suey, chop chop suey)

Five Best...Goodbye Songs

(As appears in today's issue of the New School Free Press)

#5. “Never Say Goodbye” by Bob Dylan and The Band

This is not a perfect Dylan love song like “Love Minus Zero/No Limit” because the lyrics are a tad corny (“Time is all I have to give/You can have it if you choose”), but the way he sings makes it sound like he really means it. And with Bobby, that can be a rare quality to come by.

#4. “Say Goodbye” by Dave Matthews Band

One of the best songs on one of DMB’s best album, Crash, “Say Goodbye” shows why they’re so popular amongst the 18-25 crowd: “So, here we are tonight, you and me together/The storm outside, the fire is bright/And in your eyes, I see what’s on my mind.”

#3. “Goodbye to You” by Michelle Branch

If you watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you’ll know why this is here. If you don’t, watch Buffy.

#2. “Never Can Say Goodbye” by The Jackson Five

Everyone knows “I Want You Back” and “ABC,” but it’s the lesser hits like “Goodbye” that make the best band from Gary, Indiana still worth a listen to over 30 years later

#1. “Hello, Goodbye” by The Beatles

You say goodbye, I say hello...to a new column! It’ll appear in the next issue of the New School Free Press

(Don't worry, this only affects people who read Five Best in the newspaper. They'll be getting a new column, which I'll post here once it comes out.)

Five Best...Songs about Cleveland

#5. "Drunk on the Moon" by Tom Waits

Hearts flutter and race
The moon's on the wane
Tarts mutter their dream hopes
The night will ordain
Come schemers and dancers
Cherry delight
As a Cleveland-bound Greyhound
And it cuts throught the night

#4. "Oh My Sweet Carolina" by Ryan Adams

So I went on to Cleveland and ended up insane
Bought a borrowed suit and learned to dance
I was spending money like the way it likes to rain
And I ended up with pockets full of 'caine.

#3. "Cleveland Rocks" by Ian Hunter

I got some records from World War Two
I'll play 'em just like me Grand Dad do
He was a rocker and I am too
Oh, Cleveland Rocks,
Yeah, Cleveland Rocks!

#2. "Pancho and Lefty" by Townes Van Zandt

The poets tell how Pancho fell,
And Lefty's living in cheap hotels
The desert's quiet, Cleveland's cold,
And so the story ends we're told

#1. "Look Out Cleveland" by The Band

Look Out, Cleveland, the storm is comin' through,
And it's runnin' right up on you.
Look out, Houston, There'll be thunder on the hill;
Bye-bye, baby, don't cha lie so still.