Five Best...Marlon Brando Songs

#5. "Close but No Cigar" by Weird Al Yankovic

And I loved her even more
Than Marlon Brando loved souffle
She was gorgeous, she was charming
Yeah, she was perfect in every way

#4. "Marlon Brando's Laundromat" by Pony Up!

Tonight, all my clothes are dirty
Tonight.
Tonight, Marlon help me wash my clothes
Tonight.
Tonight, I'm staying home and I'll sleep tight.

#3. "It's Hard to Be a Saint in the City" by Bruce Springsteen

I had skin like leather and the diamond-hard look of a cobra
I was born blue and weathered but I burst just like a supernova
I could walk like Brando right into the sun, then dance just like a Casanova

#2. "Pocahontas" by Neil Young

And maybe Marlon Brando
Will be there by the fire
We'll sit and talk of Hollywood
And the good things there for hire
And the Astrodome and the first tepee
Marlon Brando, Pocahontas and me
Marlon Brando, Pocahontas and me

#1. "China Girl" by David Bowie

I feel tragic like I'm Marlon Brando
When I look at my China Girl
I could pretend that nothing really meant too much
When I look at my China Girl

Five Best...Chinatown Songs

#5. “Shoot Out in Chinatown” by the Band

Shoot out in Chinatown
They nailed up every door
They're gonna level it to the ground
And close it up for evermore

#4. “Why Can’t We Be Friends” by War

I seen you walkin' down in Chinatown
I called you but you could not look around

#3. “Shore Leave” by Tom Waits

And I wondered how the same moon outside
Over this Chinatown fair
Could look down on Illinois
And find you there
And you know I love you baby.

#2. “Fat” by Weird Al

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than Chinatown

#1. “Chinatown Calculation” by Doug and the Slugs

Whoever the new mystery man is
I've got to admit, he knows his business
You're reading me now
From the right to the left
And it's coming out just the way you might expect
Chinatown Calculation.
That's cool with no regrets.
(Chop suey, chop chop suey)

Five Best...Spaghetti Songs

#5. “Neal and Jack and Me” by King Crimson

Strange spaghetti in this solemn city...
There's a postcard we're all seen before...
Past wild-haired teens in dark clothing
With hands-full of autographed napkins,
We eat apples in vans with sandwiches...rush

(I had to include this one because it's so terrible)

#4. “Spaghetti Western” by Primus

Laurel and Hardy's the best bet at 4 a.m. on a Friday.
No dreads about the working day after though.
Funny thing about weekends when you're unemployed,
They don't mean quite so much, except you get to hang out with your working friends.
Well, we got us a spaghetti western on 36.

#3. “Lose Yourself” by Eminem

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, Mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready

#2. “On Top of Spaghetti” by Tom Glazer

On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed
It rolled off the table, it rolled on the floor
And then my poor meatball rolled out of the door

#1. “Lasagna” by Weird Al

La-la-la-la-lasagna
You want-a some-a lasagna magnifico
Or a-maybe spaghetti
Ay, you supper's a-ready now, where you go
Mama mia bambino
Mama mia bambino, 'samatta you
'Samatta you, 'samatta you

Five Best...Pickup Lines from Weird Al's "Wanna B Ur Lovr"

#5. Your eyes are even bluer
Than the water in my toilet

#4. Your face is real symmetrical
And your nostrils are so nice
I wish that I was cross-eyed, girl
So I could see you twice

#3. Say, has anyone ever told you
You've got Yugoslavian hands?
No, of course not, that would be stupid
Just forget I ever brought it up

#2. I wanna be your beef burrito
Am I making this perfectly clear?
I wanna be your love torpedo
Are you picking up the subtle innuendo here?

#1. Girl, you must be Jamaican
Because Jamaican me crazy

Trapped in the Drive-Thru

I must be the only blog to ever mention Weird Al in consecutive days, but for the video I just found, it's worth doing. The video is for his song "Trapped in the Drive-Thru," a mocking of R Kelly's not-so-brilliant "Trapped in the Closet" series that appears on Weird Al's last album, Straight from Lynwood.

The song tells of an eleven-minute tale that takes an unfortunate couple from watching television, to yelling about what to eat for dinner, to the local drive-thru and finally, to the greatest tragedy ever in a song. I won't ruin the ending but it's really worth your time (and effort?) to watch all of it.

Here's to you, Weird Al!

Hey, Hey, It's Your Birthday

This post goes out to someone who has their birthday today. And I'm not talking about Jennifer Garner. Here's the list:

Five Best...Birthday Songs

#5. "Lisa, It's Your Birthday" by Leon Komposki and Bart Simpson

-If memory serves, I actually "recorded" my own version of this song when I was younger. Thank God that doesn't exist anymore...But this version sung by Leon (Michael Jackson?) and Bart is very touching.

#4. "Happy Birthday" by Weird Al Yankovic

Sample lyric:

"Well there's a punk in the alley and he's looking for a fight
There's an Arab on the corner buying everything in sight
There's a mother in the ghetto with another mouth to feed
Seems that everywhere you look today there's misery and greed

I guess you know the Earth is gonna crash into the sun
But that's no reason why we shouldn't have a little fun
So if you think it's scary, if it's more than you can take
Just blow out the candles and have a piece of cake."

Oh, Weird Al.

#3. "New Happy Birthday Song" by NOFX

For whenever you're wishing a happy birthday to someone you don't care about, think of this song and it's refrain of "you're not special."

#2. "Happy Birthday" by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

Cave tells of a birthday where the best present is a "wonderful dog chair" which can count "right up to eleven." I guess it's better than lame socks or, even worse, a certificate saying that there's a star named after you.

#1. "Birthday" by The Beatles

I can still remember my father playing this for me on my birthday during the summer I spent living with him and his wife, Sylvia, in Saratoga Springs, New York. This song is so much better than the standard "happy birthday to you" that everyone sings. I think it should be changed to The Beatles song--sort of like how if it were up to me, we'd change the National Anthem to something catchier.