[Rod shows Todd a headline: "Playtime Is Fun"]
Todd: [gives thumbs-up] Go with it!
Bart: Here you go, Todd: the city edition. [headline: "Extra Extra! Todd Smells"]
Rod: Bart, I don't know if this should be an "extra."
Todd: Is your source on this reliable?
Marge: Where are we going? Where are we going?
Homer: Ok, ok, don't panic. To find Flanders, I just have to think like Flanders! [thinking] I'm a big four-eyed lame-o, and I wear the same stupid sweater every day and--[aloud]The Springfield River!
Goodman: Whoa, would you look at this place?
Agent 2: [speaking into a tape recorder] Sink full of dirty dishes, trash not taken out, living room a mess, stacks of old newspapers--from twenty years ago!
[Abe is sleeping in front of the TV]
Announcer on TV: Get ready, gamblers, for the World Series of Dog Racing!
Abe: What the--?
Goodman: Hmm. A disheveled and malnourished man found sleeping in his own filth, seems confused and dehydrated.
Agent 2: Where's the baby?
Abe: Well that's her, ain't it? [Maggie drinks from Santa's Little Helper's water bowl] Kids love that water.
Agent 2: Oh my Lord! [Maggie has a "I'm a stupid baby" sign on]
Goodman: Stupid babies need the most attention.
Goodman: Okay, let's see if we've learned anything. I want you two to simulate a typical household problem. Go.
Cletus: [on Homer's knee] Uh, Pa, I cut my finger on the screen door again.
Homer: Why you cotton-pickin'--[strangles Cletus] [to himself] No, I gotta pass this class for my kids. [to Cletus] Son, let's stop the fussin' and the feudin'.
Cletus: I love you, Pa! [weeps]
Homer: I love you, Cletus! [weeps]
Homer: Kids! We're good parents now. Get your asses out here!
Marge: We've missed you so much. [they gasp at the "Gone Baptizin'" sign on Flanders' door] He's going to baptize our children?!?
Homer: Oh, no! In the eyes of God, they'll be Flanderseseses.
Happy birthday, Mom.