Those Awkward High School Years

A look at the greats before they were great. Try to guess who they are (answers below):

















From top: Tom Waits, Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Captain Beefheart, Frank Zappa, Steve Holt (!)

Five Best...Tom Waits Movie Roles

#5. Dr. A Heller in Mystery Men



#4. R.M. Renfield in Dracula



#3. Buck Merrill in The Outsiders




#2. Tom Waits in Coffee and Cigarettes



#1. Zack in Down by Law



Honorable Mention: Radio D.J. in Mystery Train playing Elvis' "Blue Moon."

At 9 a.m., Waits will be doing an online press conference, supposedly to announce a tour called Glitter and Doom. Can't wait! Waits is one of the very few artists that I'd pay a lot of money to see, along the lines of paying $110 the first time I saw Bob Dylan.

UPDATE

Here are the tour dates:

June 17- Phoenix, Orpheum
June 18 - Phoenix, Orpheum
June 20 - El Paso, Plaza Theatre
June 22 - Houston, Jones Hall
June 23 - Dallas, Palladium
June 25 - Tulsa, Brady Theatre
June 26 - Saint Louis, Fox Theatre
June 28 - Columbus, Ohio Theatre
June 29 - Knoxville, Civic Theatre
July 1 - Jacksonville, Moran Theatre
July 2 - Mobile, Saenger Theatre
July 3 - Birmingham, Alabama Theatre
July 5 - Atlanta, Fox Theatre

No New York. Lame. Here's the press conference video.

Early in the Morning, I'm Callin' YouTube Vol. XII

Even after all these years, it's still mind boggling that a song sung by Bob Dylan, Bruce Springsteen, Ray Charles, Paul Simon, Stevie Wonder and Smokey Robinson, among others, could be so bad. But "We Are the World" is overshadowed by bad lyrics, tacky production and the presence of Huey Lewis, Steve Perry and Kenny Loggins, who are only some of the terrible artists that were there on January 28, 1985. A noble cause (and one that brought in millions for famine relief in Africa), but it's still a horrific song.

It's always entertaining when my Unkie Ken sends me a YouTube video because I know it's going to be something I've never heard before, like Freddie Bell and the Bellboy's "Giddy Up a Ding Dong."

Why can't Tom Waits just tour again?

There's something very entertaining about watching Louis Armstrong and Johnny Cash talk about Jimmie Rodgers, and eventually break into a performance of "Blue Yodel, No. 9." Two men who have nothing in common have everything in common here.

Last week, residents of Chicago were lucky to have five straight nights of Wilco in which they performed their entire catalog. What I would have given to be able to go to those shows, but instead, I'm left scrapping for mp3s and watching YouTube videos, like this one of "Kamera."

From one of the Wilco shows:

Our House Where Nobody Lives

What do the songs "House Where Nobody Lives" by Tom Waits and "Our House" by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young have in common, outside of being songs about homes? Well, some 3D modelers in India decided to design the houses, and make them available for viewing online. In other words, you can see the "house where nobody lives," and then take a look at "our house."

Who knew they had a thing for Tom Waits in India?

Five Best...Television Homes I Wouldn't Mind Visiting

#5. 1313 Mockingbird Lane on The Munsters

#4. Any giant New York apartment (Friends, Sex and the City, etc.)

#3. Schrute Farms on The Office

#2. The Simpsons residence (742 Evergreen Terrace) on The Simpsons

#1. The Satellite of Love on Mystery Science Theater 3000

My Faves

Yesterday, my dad sent me an e-mail about Frank Sinatra: The Man, The Music, The Legend, an anthology of essays about Ol’ Blue Eyes brought together at a 1998 conference held at Hofstra University. After reading the briefing by Benjamin Schwartz, literary and national editor of the Atlantic, I began to think of how much I enjoy Sinatra, although I hardly mention him on Five Best. From there, my thoughts drifted towards if I could only hear five bands or artists for the rest of my life, who would they be? Here’s what I came up with, in no particular order:

Bob Dylan
-If you’ve read my blog even once, you know how much I love Dylan. Plus, he’s got a long discography of fifty plus albums—and how could I go the rest of my life without hearing my two favorite albums, Blood on the Tracks and Blonde on Blonde.

Frank Sinatra
-Lots of albums, lots of different emotions he can stir up, amazing voice…need I continue?

The Beatles
-Although they didn’t release as many albums as Dylan or Sinatra, they’re the freakin’ Beatles! Of course I’d include them.

And here’s where it gets tough. Those three choices I thought of without even really, well, thinking, but for my final two, I’m left wondering whether I should choose two rock bands. Or maybe some jazz? Can I go the rest of my life without hearing Once More, With Feeling again? So, after much thought, here are my final two:

Louis Armstrong
-When I asked my dad who he’d have on his list, he included Louis (along with Dylan, Sinatra, Paul Desmond and either Bill Evans or Ben Webster) and I didn’t. In an e-mail I sent back to him after getting his choices, I mentioned that I’d probably pick Monk or Coltrane over Louis but upon second thought, I would choose Louis for one main reason: vocals. Although I might listen to Monk and ‘Trane more, I don’t think I could go the rest of my life without hearing his work with Ella Fitzgerald.

For the last slot, I thought about Richard Thompson, Miles Davis, the Kinks, the Ramones, Neil Young, the Velvet Underground, the Rolling Stones, Otis Redding, Sam Cooke and David Bowie, but my choice inevitably came down to two: The Clash or Tom Waits. And my last artist is:

Tom Waits
-I may actually like the Clash more than Waits, but it simply comes down to the amount of albums and how good they are. The Clash has two masterpiece albums (The Clash and London Calling) while Waits only has one (Rain Dogs), but there aren’t that many other Clash albums (I mean, I could go the rest of my life without Super Black Market Clash, and I wouldn’t too upset). As for Waits, he doesn’t have a bad album on his résumé, and has a lot more of them as well.

So here they are:







Who would be in your group?

Five Best...Songs from Closing Time

#5. "Rosie"

Well I'm sitting on a windowsill, blowing my horn
Nobody's up except the moon and me,
And a lazy old tomcat on a midnight spree
All that you left me was a melody.

#4. "Ol' 55"

And my time went so quickly, I went lickety-splickly
Out to my old '55
As I pulled away slowly, feeling so holy,
God knows, I was feeling alive.

#3. "Martha"

And those were the days of roses, poetry and prose
And Martha all I had was you and all you had was me.
There was no tomorrows, we'd packed away our sorrows
And we saved them for a rainy day.

#2. "Old Shoes (& Picture Postcards)"

I can see by your eyes, it's time now to go
So I'll leave you to cry in the rain,
Though I held in my hand, the key to all joy
Honey my heart was not born to be tamed.

#1. "I Hope That I Don't Fall in Love With You"

Well I hope that I don't fall in love with you
'Cause falling in love just makes me blue,
Well the music plays and you display your heart for me to see,
I had a beer and now I hear you calling out for me
And I hope that I don't fall in love with you

We Sail Tonight for Singapore

Tom Waits turned 58 yesterday.

I mention this because a) he’s great and b) he writes lyrics like this:

Well, Peter denied and Judas betrayed
I'll bail with the roll of the drum
And the wind will tell the turn from the wheel
And the watchman is making his rounds
Well, you'll leave me hanging by the skin of my teeth
I've only got one leg to stand
You can send me to hell
But I'll never let go of your hand

If I could see anyone live, it’d be Waits.

If I could be a musician that wasn't ’65 Dylan, it’d be Waits.

If I could have anyone’s humor, it’d be Waits’.

I think you can tell I’m a fan.

Here’s another classic:

Now don’t be a cry baby
When there’s wood in the shed
There’s a bird in the chimney
And a stone in my bed
When the road’s washed out
They pass the bottle around
And wait in the arms
Of the cold, cold ground
Cold, cold ground

And another:

Let’s follow the fire truck
I think your house is burning down
Then go down to the hobo jungle,
And kill some rattle snakes with a trowel
We’ll break all the windows in the ol’ Anderson place
And steal a bunch of boysenberries
And smear ‘em on our face
I’ll get a dollar from my mama’s purse
And buy that skull and crossbones ring
And you can wear it around your neck
On an old piece of string.

Five Best...'Purchase' Songs

#5. “Demolition” by The Kinks

I spy with my little eye
Anything here that I can buy.
I see a little thatched cottage
Looking so neat
With compulsory purchase we can buy it up cheap.

#4. “Sea Weeds” by Captain Dan and the Scurvy Crew

Mateys hoist the sails ‘cause it’s time to run
Before my customers figure out the deed I’ve done
But that’s the way it goes
Let the buyer beware
Especially when your purchase could have washed up anywhere

(I just appreciate the name of this group)

#3. “Bad Liver and a Broken Heart” by Tom Waits

I ain't sentimental, this ain't a purchase,
It's a rental, and it's purgatory,
And hey, what's your story, well I don't even care
Cause I got my own double-cross to bear

#2. “86” by Green Day

Exit out the back
And never show your head around again
Purchase your ticket and
Quickly take the last train out of town

#1. “The Gift” by the Velvet Underground
It was a New York company. You could go anywhere in the mails. Then it struck him. He didn't have enough money to go to Wisconsin in the accepted fashion, true, but why not mail himself? It was absurdly simple. He would ship himself parcel post, special delivery. The next day Waldo went to the supermarket to purchase the necessary equipment. He bought masking tape, a staple gun and a medium sized cardboard box just right for a person of his build. He judged that with a minimum of jostling he could ride quite comfortably. A few air holes, some water, perhaps some midnight snacks, and it would probably be as good as going tourist.

The picture on top is what SUNY Purchase looks like after it snowed Sunday morning. Before meeting a friend for lunch, I walked around the campus, listening to the MC5 and taking pictures of the place where I used to be a student.

Five Best...Chinatown Songs

#5. “Shoot Out in Chinatown” by the Band

Shoot out in Chinatown
They nailed up every door
They're gonna level it to the ground
And close it up for evermore

#4. “Why Can’t We Be Friends” by War

I seen you walkin' down in Chinatown
I called you but you could not look around

#3. “Shore Leave” by Tom Waits

And I wondered how the same moon outside
Over this Chinatown fair
Could look down on Illinois
And find you there
And you know I love you baby.

#2. “Fat” by Weird Al

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than Chinatown

#1. “Chinatown Calculation” by Doug and the Slugs

Whoever the new mystery man is
I've got to admit, he knows his business
You're reading me now
From the right to the left
And it's coming out just the way you might expect
Chinatown Calculation.
That's cool with no regrets.
(Chop suey, chop chop suey)

Early in the Morning, I'm Callin' YouTube, Vol. VII

The best thing I've found on YouTube this week is a clip of Billy Bragg singing both the Carpenters' "Superstar" AND Dylan's "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright." He asks the crowd which of the two artists they'd rather hear, and they choose the Carpenters. After getting up to the chorus of "Superstar," Bragg gets sick of it and changes over to a fierce version of "Don't Think Twice." Gotta love Billy.

A few years back, Bragg and Wilco released Mermaid Avenue, Vol. 2 after the success of their first album together, the not-surprisingly titled Mermaid Avenue, of unrecorded Woody Guthrie songs. My favorite song of the bunch is "Airline in Heaven," a track that proves Guthrie was more than just the guy who wrote "This Land Is Your Land."

I wasn't a huge fan of Springsteen's Tom Joad period, but this live version of "Atlantic City," recorded in 1997 while touring for the album, is pretty impressive. Not as good as the original or the Band's version on Jericho, but those are both pretty much perfect.

While Harvest Moon is no Harvest, there are still some worthy-of-your-time tracks on it: "Natural Beauty," "Old King" and "From Hank to Hendrix," an improvement on Neil's other big namedropping song, "My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue.)"

This clip is of Howlin' Wolf singing "Dust My Broom." Enough said.

While watching this great clip of Tom Waits performing "Downtown Train" in Italy in 1986, it struck me as odd that he was holding a guitar. I guess I'm much more used to see him with a bullhorn or something that makes a loud clank noise in his hands, rather than an actual instrument. But then I realized how stupid it was to take note of that, and got back to listening to it.

Love Is So Simple, To Quote a Phrase

There are millions of songs about love about there, but only a small fraction of them are worth listening to. Even the best artists can fail when it comes to explaining love. For every “4th of July, Asbury Park (Sandy),” there’s a “Dancing in the Dark.” For every “Can’t Stand Losing You,” there’s a “Every Breath You Take.” For every “Eight Days a Week,” there’s a, well, maybe The Beatles didn’t quite fail at mastering the love song.

To write a great song about love, it’s crucial to have sentimental lyrics that don’t come across as melodramatic or, worse yet, schmaltzy. This is tough to do because, as mentioned before, there’s countless songs about the same subject. Can you imagine trying to write even 20,000 songs about, let’s say, only boxing or tanning? Even with a low number like that, it’s tough— let alone a number with at least six 0’s at the end of it.

Is it possible to write a song about being in love without acting be in love? I have no idea, but I’d have to guess that it’s a lot tougher. Trying to write a happy song when you’re depressed is like trying to write one about the sun when it’s been gray outside for a month. You can’t go on pure emotions, and you’re left relying to on memory.

There’s also different kinds of love. For instance, saying, “Well, she looked at me and I, I could see/That before too long I’d fall in love with her/She wouldn’t dance with another/When I saw her standin’ there” is miles away from

Down by the Riverside Motel,
It's ten below and falling
By a 99 cent store, she closed her eyes
And started swaying
But it's so hard to dance that way
When it's cold and there's no music
Well, your old hometown is so far away
But inside your head,
There's a record that’s playing a song called:
Hold on, hold on
You really got to hold on
Take my hand, I'm standing right here
And just hold on.

One is juvenile, one is grown-up and complicated—but both are love.

There’s a reason that when you Google “love,” there’s over 1 billion hits; it’s different for every person. When Neil Young sings that “Only love can break your heart,” Ian Curtis thinks that “love will tear us apart,” while Randy Newman swoops in to say that “you’re just a prisoner of the one you love.”

Myself, I’ve only been in love twice in my life (including now—there’s always a selfish for writing posts, isn’t there?), and the kind of love and the songs that I associate it with change. But one artist hasn’t, and I believe he can write about the different forms of love in ways that most only can dream about, or only feel but not able to properly explain.

In love:
My love she speaks like silence,
Without ideals or violence,
She doesn't have to say she's faithful,
Yet she's true, like ice, like fire.

Lost love:
Oh, it's shameful and it's sad,
I lost the only pal I had,
I just could not be what she wanted me to be.
I will turn my head up high
To that dark and rolling sky,
For tonight no light will shine on me.

Craving love:
If today was not an endless highway,
If tonight was not a crooked trail,
If tomorrow wasn't such a long time,
Then lonesome would mean nothing to you at all.
Yes, and only if my own true love was waitin',
Yes, and if I could hear her heart a-softly poundin',
Only if she was lyin' by me,
Then I'd lie in my bed once again.

Simple (but pure) love:
Close your eyes, close the door,
You don't have to worry any more.
I'll be your baby tonight.

Confused love:
Sometimes the silence can be like the thunder
Sometimes I wanna take to the road and plunder
Could you ever be true?
I think of you
And I wonder

I'm sick of love, I wish I'd never met you
I'm sick of love, I'm trying to forget you

Just don't know what to do
I'd give anything, to be with you

Abandoned love:
One more time at midnight, near the wall
Take off your heavy make-up and your shawl.
Won't you descend from the throne, from where you sit?
Let me feel your love one more time before I abandon it.

Those are all by Bob Dylan, a man not typically thought of in the same category as Elvis or Sinatra (although neither one of them wrote their material), but for one man to have mastered so many different kinds of love (and there’s plenty of other categories that I didn’t list), that’s impressive. And sort of sad too, when you think about it.

As for me, I would do anything for love, but I won’t…quote Meat Loaf.

Five Best...Rock Operas

(Working off the Wikipedia page for "rock opera albums" because if you try hard enough, you can make nearly any album fall under the title of being a "rock opera.")

#10. Purple Rain by Prince and the Revolution

#9. American Idiot by Green Day

#8. Frank's Wild Years by Tom Waits

#7. Greendale by Neil Young

#6. Quadrophenia by The Who

#5. Joe's Garage by Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention

#4. Tommy by The Who

#3. The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars by David Bowie

#2. Arthur (Or the Decline and Fall of the British Empire) by The Kinks

#1. "A Quick One (While He's Away)" by The Who

We Live in a Political World

I don’t claim to know enough or even all that much about politics. I know the basics of why I shouldn’t like this person or respect this organization, but when it comes to specifics, I’m left to buzz words and bits and pieces I’ve picked up along the line. Presidents and emperors and prime ministers are names to me that I know are important, but that doesn’t mean I know their biography or even, in many cases, if they’re an effective leader.

I spend a lot of time in the newspaper office at The New School, where many of my best friends also spend their time after or during classes. It’s also where I was first offered a glance of what a purple, Dough Boy-type drawing looks like while, only a few feet away, there’s a terrifying picture of John McCain looking like he’s ready to either give you a hug or tear your head off.

Many of the conversations in the office, especially between three specific people, inevitably lead towards politics the same way all mine seem to end in a Arrested Development quote or Dylan lyric. So, while they’re discussing the Israeli-Palestinian conflict or discussing the economic crisis in South Africa, I go to the computer for MetsBlog.com or RollingStone.com.

I’ll listen to their talks and maybe add my two cents every so often, but mostly I listen or just drift away. It’s not that I don’t care about politics; it’s more that there are just other things that I’m more interested in. For the longest time, I was ashamed of myself for wanting to write about music for a living, but a thought clicked into my mind one day: Why should I care if what I love to do won’t have a huge affect upon the world? As I so often say to myself, especially about the three people mentioned above, I’ll let them save the world while I’ll entertain it.

Even better, yesterday at a Block Party for my school, I was walking along with my friends Hannah, Peter and Kayley. While going through and looking at the booths, Hannah and Peter saw someone they knew from the Students for a Democratic Party, so they went over there to chat. Kayley and I didn’t know the kid and while walking away, she said, “We could talk about politics for 30 minutes and come up with no conclusions, or we can go get a free Snapple which will solve the problem of quenching my thirst.”

Couldn’t have said it better myself, Kayley.

Ok, now that I’ve got that non-diatribe out of the way, here’s not so much a list but the lyrics to one of my favorite political songs of all-time. It’s “Road to Peace” from Tom Waits’ Orphans: Brawlers, Bawlers and Bastards, and it tells the story of a young kid, Abdel Mahdi (Shahmay), in Jerusalem who, along with others throughout the song, are killed for no reason instead of looking for the “road to peace.” Waits does more in this song than many, as much as it kills me to say it, newspapers could do with the same story, and that just goes to show how powerful of a songwriter he is.

Young Abdel Mahdi (Shahmay) was only 18 years old,
He was the youngest of nine children, never spent a night away from home.
And his mother held his photograph, opening the New York Times
To see the killing has intensified along the road to peace

There was a tall, thin boy with a whispy moustache disguised as an orthodox Jew
On a crowded bus in Jerusalem, some had survived World War Two
And the thunderous explosion blew out windows 200 yards away
With more retribution and seventeen dead along the road to peace

Now at King George Ave and Jaffa Road passengers boarded bus 14a
In the aisle next to the driver Abdel Mahdi (Shahmay)
And the last thing that he said on earth is "God is great and God is good"
And he blew them all to kingdom come upon the road to peace

Now in response to this another kiss of death was visited upon
Yasser Taha, Israel says is an Hamas senior militant
And Israel sent four choppers in, flames engulfed, tears wide open
And it killed his wife and his three year old child leaving only blackened skeletons

It's found his toddlers bottle and a pair of small shoes and they waved them in front of the cameras
But Israel says they did not know that his wife and child were in the car
There are roadblocks everywhere and only suffering on TV
Neither side will ever give up their smallest right along the road to peace

Israel launched it's latest campaign against Hamas on Tuesday
Two days later Hamas shot back and killed five Israeli soldiers
So thousands dead and wounded on both sides most of them middle eastern civilians
They fill the children full of hate to fight an old man's war and die upon the road to peace

"And this is our land we will fight with all our force" say the Palastinians and the Jews
Each side will cut off the hand of anyone who tries to stop the resistance
If the right eye offends thee then you must pluck it out
And Mahmoud Abbas said Sharon had been lost out along the road to peace

Once Kissinger said "we have no friends, America only has interests"
Now our president wants to be seen as a hero and he's hungry for re-election
But Bush is reluctant to risk his future in the fear of his political failures
So he plays chess at his desk and poses for the press 10,000 miles from the road to peace

In the video that they found at the home of Abdel Mahdi (Shahmay)
He held a Kalashnikov rifle and he spoke with a voice like a boy
He was an excellent student, he studied so hard, it was as if he had a future
He told his mother that he had a test that day out along the road to peace

The fundamentalist killing on both sides is standing in the path of peace
But tell me why are we arming the Israeli army with guns and tanks and bullets?
And if God is great and God is good why can't he change the hearts of men?
Well maybe God himself is lost and needs help
Maybe God himself he needs all of our help
Maybe God himself is lost and needs help
He's out upon the road to peace

Well maybe God himself is lost and needs help
Maybe God himself he needs all of our help
And he's lost upon the road to peace
And he's lost upon the road to peace
Out upon the road to peace.

Five Best..."16" Songs

#5. "Too Drunk To Fuck" by Dead Kennedy's

Went to a party
I danced all night
I drank 16 beers
And I started up a fight

#4. "Jockey Full of Bourbon" by Tom Waits

Sixteen men on a deadman's chest
And I've been drinking from a broken cup
Two pairs of pants and a mohair vest
I'm full of bourbon, I can't stand up

#3. "The E Street Shuffle" by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

Now those E Street brats in twilight dual flashlight phantoms in full star
Stream down fire trails of silver nights with blonde girls pledged sweet sixteen

#2. "Sixteen Shells from a Thirty-Ought Six" by Tom Waits

I'm gonna whittle you into kindlin'
Black Crow 16 shells from a thirty-ought-six
Whittle you into kindlin'
Black Crow 16 shells from a thirty-ought-six

#1. "Sixteen Tons" by Johnny Cash

You haul Sixteen Tons, whadaya get?
Another older and deeper in debt
Saint Peter don't you call me cause I can't go
I owe my soul to the company store

Ten Best...Songs Mentioning "Airplanes"

#10. "Crystal" by Husker Du

Avalanche looms overhead
Airplane flies overhead
Important man sits by the window
Sucked out of the first class window
Images run by, thousand miles an hour
But the time seems far away
Folding clothes in a folding closet
Folding money in a resume

#9. "Galileo" by Indigo Girls (That's For You, Ma)

And then I think about my fear of motion
Which I never could explain
Some other fool across the ocean years ago
Must have crashed his little airplane

#8. "Long Neck Bottle" by Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band

Well, one night she got to drinking
Got out and shot up the town
I'll be damned if she didn't,
Bring an airplane down
I don't like to talk about my woman
But this one sure could chug 'em down
I don't like to talk about my woman
But this one sure could chug 'em down

#7. "The Bends" by Radiohead

Where do we go from here?
The words are coming out all weird
Where are you now when I need you?
Alone on an airplane
Falling asleep beside my window pain
My blood will thicken

#6. "Money for Nothing" by Dire Straits

See the little faggot with the earring and the makeup
Yeah buddy that's his own hair
That little faggot got his own jet airplane
That little faggot he's a millionaire

#5. "Power of Love" by Jimi Hendrix

Shoot down some of those airplanes you're flyin'
Especially the ones that are flyin' too low
Shoot down some of those airplanes
Especially the ones that you're flyin' too low

#4. "Earth Died Screaming" by Tom Waits

Rudy's on the midway
And Jacob's in the hole
The monkey's on the ladder
The devil shovels coal
With crows as big as airplanes
The lion has three heads
And someone will eat the skin the he sheds
And the earth died screaming

#3. "You Got the Silver" by The Rolling Stones

Hey babe, what's in your eyes?
I saw them flashing like airplane lights
You fill my cup, babe, that's for sure
I must come back for a little more

#2. "Thunder on the Mountain" by Bob Dylan

Thunder on the mountain heavy as can be
Mean old twister bearing down on me
All the ladies in Washington scrambling to get out of town
Looks like something bad gonna happen,
Better roll your airplane down

#1. "I'm a Little Airplane" by Modern Lovers

Well, I'm a little airplane now
I'm a little airplane now now
I'm a little airplane now
I'm a little airplane now now
And wangity-wang wangity-wang
I'm a little airplane now.

I fly in the dark,
Over the baseball park.
Well, I fly late at night.
I got my little red light.
And wangity-wang wangity-wang
I'm a little airplane now.

Five Best...Songs with "200" In It

#5. "200 Years" by Frank Zappa

She's two hundred years old
So mean she couldn't grow no lips
Boy, she'd be in trouble if she
Tried to grow a mustache

#4. "Batdance" by Prince

Who's gonna stop 200 balloons?
Nobody!
Batman.
Stop!

#3. "The Singer" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

All the truths I tried to tell you
Were as distant to you as the moon
Born 200 years too late
And 200 years too soon

#2. "One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces" by Ben Folds Five

Jane, remember second grade
Said you couldn't stand my face
Rather than kiss me,
You said you'd rather die
Now I'm big and important
One angry dwarf
And 200 solemn faces

#1. "Road to Peace" by Tom Waits

There was a tall, thin boy with a whispy moustache disguised as an orthodox Jew
On a crowded bus in Jerusalem, some had survived World War Two
And the thunderous explosion blew out windows 200 yards away
With more retribution and seventeen dead along the road to peace

Five Best...Songs about Cleveland

#5. "Drunk on the Moon" by Tom Waits

Hearts flutter and race
The moon's on the wane
Tarts mutter their dream hopes
The night will ordain
Come schemers and dancers
Cherry delight
As a Cleveland-bound Greyhound
And it cuts throught the night

#4. "Oh My Sweet Carolina" by Ryan Adams

So I went on to Cleveland and ended up insane
Bought a borrowed suit and learned to dance
I was spending money like the way it likes to rain
And I ended up with pockets full of 'caine.

#3. "Cleveland Rocks" by Ian Hunter

I got some records from World War Two
I'll play 'em just like me Grand Dad do
He was a rocker and I am too
Oh, Cleveland Rocks,
Yeah, Cleveland Rocks!

#2. "Pancho and Lefty" by Townes Van Zandt

The poets tell how Pancho fell,
And Lefty's living in cheap hotels
The desert's quiet, Cleveland's cold,
And so the story ends we're told

#1. "Look Out Cleveland" by The Band

Look Out, Cleveland, the storm is comin' through,
And it's runnin' right up on you.
Look out, Houston, There'll be thunder on the hill;
Bye-bye, baby, don't cha lie so still.

Five Best...Songs Mentioning Brooklyn

#5. "King of New York" by the Newsies

In nothing flat,
He'll be covering
Brooklyn to Trenton
Our man Denton

#4. "I Palindrome I" by They Might Be Giants

She king of Brooklyn she
Master of all she surveys
Lives a life unencumbered by me
She king of Brooklyn she

#3. "Downtown Train" by Tom Waits

The downtown trains are full
With all those Brooklyn girls
They try so hard to break out of their little worlds

#2. "Joey" by Bob Dylan

Born in Red Hook, Brooklyn
In the year of who-knows-when
Opened up his eyes
To the tune of an accordion

#1. "No Sleep 'Til Brooklyn" by Beastie Boys

Ain't seen the light since we started this band
M.C.A., get on the mic my man
Born and bred Brooklyn, U.S.A

Five Best...Songs with Clapping

#5. "We Will Rock You" by Queen (a terrible song, but has a clapping part everyone knows)

#4. "Think" by James Brown

#3. "Cecilia" by Simon and Garfunkel

#2. "No Fun" by The Stooges

#1. "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by The Beatles

Honorable Mention: "Clap Hands" by Tom Waits, although it contains no actual clapping of said hands.

Five Best...Songs About Rowing

#5. “Rowboat” by Johnny Cash

Rowboat
Row me to the shore
She don't want to be my friend no more
She dug a hole in the bottom of my soul
She don't want to be my friend no more

#4. “Only Skin” by Joanna Newsom

rowing along, among the reeds, among the rushes
I heard your song, before my heart had time to hush it!

#3. “Bring ‘Em On In” by Van Morrison

Row-in boats a-cross the water
Pick them up baby, row them on
Bring 'em on in, bring 'em on home

#2. “Misery is the River of the World” by Tom Waits

Misery's the river of the world
Misery's the river of the world
Everybody row! Everybody row!
Everybody row! Everybody row!

#1. “It’s All Over Now, Baby Blue” by Bob Dylan

All your seasick sailors, they are rowing home
All your reindeer armies are all going home
The lover who just walked out your door
Has taken all his blankets from the floor