Five Best...Songs about Masturbation

#5. "Darling Nikki" by Prince and the Revolution

Knew a girl named Nikki,
I guess you could say she was a sex fiend.
I met her in a hotel lobby,
Masturbating with a magazine.

#4. "Orgasm Addict" by the Buzzcocks

Well you tried it just for once found it all right for kicks,
But now you found out that it's a habit that sticks,
And you're an orgasm addict, you're an orgasm addict,
Sneaking in the back door with dirty magazines.
Now your mother wants to know what all those stains on your jeans.

#3. "I Touch Myself" by The DiVinyls

I don't want anybody else,
And when I think about you I touch myself.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, aah.

(Sorry, but I had to...)

#2. "Pictures of Lily" by The Who

I got so sick of having sleepless nights,
I went and told my dad
He said, ‘Son, now here’s some little something’
And stuck them on my wall

#1. "Pump It Up" by Elvis Costello and the Attractions

Down in the pleasure centers,
Hell bent or heaven sent,
Listen to the propaganda,
Listen to the latest slander.
There's nothing underhand,
That she wouldn't understand.
Pump it up until you can feel it.
Pump it up when you don't really need it.

Five Best...Songs with "200" In It

#5. "200 Years" by Frank Zappa

She's two hundred years old
So mean she couldn't grow no lips
Boy, she'd be in trouble if she
Tried to grow a mustache

#4. "Batdance" by Prince

Who's gonna stop 200 balloons?
Nobody!
Batman.
Stop!

#3. "The Singer" by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

All the truths I tried to tell you
Were as distant to you as the moon
Born 200 years too late
And 200 years too soon

#2. "One Angry Dwarf and 200 Solemn Faces" by Ben Folds Five

Jane, remember second grade
Said you couldn't stand my face
Rather than kiss me,
You said you'd rather die
Now I'm big and important
One angry dwarf
And 200 solemn faces

#1. "Road to Peace" by Tom Waits

There was a tall, thin boy with a whispy moustache disguised as an orthodox Jew
On a crowded bus in Jerusalem, some had survived World War Two
And the thunderous explosion blew out windows 200 yards away
With more retribution and seventeen dead along the road to peace

"So, This Is How It Feels When Doves Cry"

Yesterday, as I soon often do, I was walking around the Columbus Circle area before classes and listening to my iPod, with the specific song being Prince's "Purple Rain." As the song went on (after all, it does last about 8 minutes), I thought to myself, "Damn, I should do a blog posting on this song because it's just so epic." Well, not two minutes later, a guy with a clipboard came up to me while I was waiting to cross the street and asked, "What are you listening to now?" Normally I wouldn't have answered but I've always wanted to ask the same question to random New Yorker's so I gave him a truthful answer: "Purple Rain" by Prince. As he wrote down my selection, he stopped for a second, looked at me and said, "Man, that's an epic song."

And I walked away a happier person.