Fifteen Best...Fake Bands

As you'll soon notice, bands like Spinal Tap and Tenacious D aren't on this list. That's because they went on to perform, and became a real fake band. I only choose acts that haven't actually existed and, sadly, never will.

#15. The Shmenge Brothers from SCTV



#14. My Pretty Pony from Veronica Mars



#13. The Riverbottom Nightmare Band from Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas



#12. Dingoes Ate My Baby from Buffy the Vampire Slayer



#11. Brick Springhorn and the Tenth Avenue Band from a random Transformers comic



#10. Stillwater from Almost Famous



#9. Sonic Death Monkey from High Fidelity (Also known as Barry Jive and the Uptown Five or Kathleen Turner Overdrive.)



#8. Drive Shaft from Lost



#7. Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem from The Muppet Show



#6. Timmy and the Lords of the Underworld/Faith Plus One/Fingerbang from South Park



#5. The Rutles from All You Need is Cash



#4. The Beets from Doug



#3. Dregs of Humanity from It's Your Move



#2. Dr. Funke's 100% Natural Good-Time Family Band Solution from Arrested Development (I couldn't get a picture of the "band," so instead here's one of Tobias' résumé)



#1. The Wonders (or the Oneders) from That Thing You Do! (Captain Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters, as well)



Honorable Mention: The Dangles from Rocko's Modern Life, who, of course, are a band that plays at a nudist colony. Why that show was never more popular, I have no idea.

Five Best..."Uncle" Songs

#5. "Froggie Went A-Courtin'" by Bob Dylan (among others)

Uncle Rat laughed and he shook his fat sides, Uh-huh,
Uncle Rat laughed and he shook his fat sides, Uh-huh,
Uncle Rat laughed and he shook his fat sides,.
To think his niece would be a bride, Uh-huh.

#4. "Uncle Fucka" by Terrance and Philip (South Park)

Shut YOUR fucking face, Uncle Fucka
You're the one that fucked your uncle, Uncle Fucka
You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn
Just fuck your uncle all day long

#3. "Long Tall Sally" by Little Richard

Well Long, Tall Sally
She's built for speed,
She got everything that Uncle John needs

#2. "Little Criminals" by Randy Newman"

Got a gun from Uncle Freddy
Got a station all picked out
Got a plan and now we're ready
Gonna take that station out

#1. "Uncle John's Band" by The Grateful Dead

God Damn I declare have you seen like
Their walls are built like cannon balls
Their motto is 'Don't Tread On Me'
Come hear Uncle John's band playing-to the tide
Come along or go alone
He's come to take his children home

Sympathy for the Devil

In one of my classes, Classic and Modern Epics, we just finished reading Milton's Paradise Lost. During a discussion of the masterpiece, my professor--a rather intelligent man in his 60s or 70s but has a shabby appearance with disheveled hair and loose fitting polo shirts--began talking about how intriguing Satan is in the poem. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that Satan is downright likable--at least more so than God. In an attempt to make the character seem more contemporary, he alluded to Satan being like "that rock star." Without a moment's hesitation, nearly everyone in the classroom thought to themselves to the same rock 'n' roller: Mick Jagger. This was, of course, who the professor was referring: the cockney stride, the attitude, the sexual lyrics and social life make up everything that we love about Mick and everything that he was thinking of. True, he could have also been referring to Elvis, but I guess Jagger is "cooler."

Five Best...Satan Appearances in Pop Culture

#5. Every Tenacious D song

#4. Beelzebub singing "Up There" during South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut

#3. Jagger, Keith Richards, Elvis Costello, Tom Petty, Brian Setzer and Lenny Kravitz driving around in a giant car shaped like Satan's head on The Simpsons (By proxy, this one includes "Sympathy for the Devil")

#2. Pixies' lyric "If man is 5 and the Devil is 6 then God is 7" in "Monkey Gone to Heaven"

#1. The Robot Devil from Futurama