Bye, Bye, Bye

I’ll be visiting my old college, SUNY Purchase, this weekend, so I won’t be posting on Saturday and Sunday.

But before I go, a story: On the subway this morning, a man with a homemade trolley made of rubber wheels, cardboard and what looked like the noodles you use in the pool (here’s a pic) was announcing that if anyone on the subway was hungry, they could grab some food from him. I see these Givers, for lack of a better term, occasionally on the train, and normally they bring with them sandwiches, something to drink and a kind word about God. While glancing through what the man was hawking, I noticed about 30 cassettes on his trolley. Upon a closer look, I saw that they were mostly religious tapes with occasionally something more “urban” like one called “Alley Oops,” but amidst the musical rubble, I noticed tapes for the Grateful Dead and Yes. Actually, the label said “Greatful Dead,” which is on more Facebook accounts than I count—I’ll bet they’re the true fans.

I guess the thing that’s going to make the homeless and hungry feel better about themselves are the Dead and Yes. Why didn’t I think of that?!?

Five Best...Chinatown Songs

#5. “Shoot Out in Chinatown” by the Band

Shoot out in Chinatown
They nailed up every door
They're gonna level it to the ground
And close it up for evermore

#4. “Why Can’t We Be Friends” by War

I seen you walkin' down in Chinatown
I called you but you could not look around

#3. “Shore Leave” by Tom Waits

And I wondered how the same moon outside
Over this Chinatown fair
Could look down on Illinois
And find you there
And you know I love you baby.

#2. “Fat” by Weird Al

My zippers bust, my buckles break
I'm too much man for you to take
The pavement cracks when I fall down
I've got more chins than Chinatown

#1. “Chinatown Calculation” by Doug and the Slugs

Whoever the new mystery man is
I've got to admit, he knows his business
You're reading me now
From the right to the left
And it's coming out just the way you might expect
Chinatown Calculation.
That's cool with no regrets.
(Chop suey, chop chop suey)

Five Best...Lizzy Songs

#5. “Rag Doll” by Aerosmith

Yes I'm movin',
Yes I'm movin',
Get ready for the big time,
Tap dancing on a land mine.
Yes I'm movin',
Yes I'm movin',
Old tin Lizzy, do it till you're dizzy,
Give it all ya got until you're put out of your misery.

#4. “Lizzy” by Ben Kweller

Like Mama said, don’t ya let it go to your head
When ya know you're being fed
I'm so proud to know you
Lizzy, I'll write, I'll sing
Telegraph, telegram
Telephone, tellin' you
I'll be home soon
Dienu

#3. “I’m a Cuckoo” by Belle & Sebastian

I'd rather be in Tokyo
I'd rather listen to Thin Lizzy-oh
Watch the Sunday gang in Harajuku
There's something wrong with me, I'm a cuckoo

#2. “Sound of Science” by the Beastie Boys

I've got science for any occasion
Postulating theorems formulating equations
Cheech wizard in a snow blizzard
Eating chicken gizzards with a girl named Lizzy
Dropping science like Galileo dropped a orange

#1. “Dizzy Miss Lizzy” by the Beatles

You make me dizzy, Miss Lizzy
The way you rock and roll
You make me dizzy, Miss Lizzy
When we do the stroll
Come on, Miss Lizzy
Love me before I grow too old

Five Best...'Wonderful' Songs

#5. “Wonderful” by Everclear

I want the things that I had before
Like a Star Wars poster on my bedroom door
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again

#4. “Wonderful Wino” by the Mothers of Invention

L.A. in the summer of '69
I went downtown and bought some wine
I wasted my head on 3 quarts of juice
And now the grapes won't cut me loose

#3. “Wonderful Life” by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Speak our secret into your hands
And hold it in between
Plunge your hands into the water
And drown it in the sea
There will be nothing between us, baby
But the air that we breathe

#2. “Wonderful World” by Sam Cooke

Don't know much about history,
Don't know much biology.
Don't know much about a science book,
Don't know much about the French I took.
But I do know that I love you,
And I know that if you love me too,
What a wonderful world this would be

#1. “What a Wonderful World” by Louis Armstrong

I see skies of blue and clouds of white
Bright sunny days, dark sacred nights
And I think to myself,
What a wonderful world

Stand By Me

One of the most adult kid movies I’ve ever seen is Stand By Me. Based on a short story by Stephen King, Stand By Me is a movie about four 12-year-old boys looking to find a dead body. But that description doesn’t do the film much justice because there’s so much more to it than that—and it’s greatly helped by the fantastic acting of River Phoenix (Chris), Jerry O’Connell (Vern), Wil Wheaton (Gordie) and Corey Feldman (Teddy).

If ever you want to see a movie with a kid old enough to hear the word “shit” and appreciate how much having a leech on your you-know-what would hurt, this is definitely worth a rent from Blockbuster or Netflix—especially with a slice of blueberry pie.

Here are my favorite lines from the movie:

#10.
Vern: Come on you guys, let's get moving.
Teddy: Yeah, by the time we get there, the kid won't even be dead anymore.

#9.
Vern: You guys wanna go see a dead body?

#8.
Teddy: Okay, you guys can go through the woods, but I am going right here across this bridge. And when you guys will get to the other side, I will be sitting in there, relaxing with my thoughts.
Gordie: Do you use your left hand or right hand to do that?
Teddy: You wish.

#7.
Chris: You four-eyed pile of shit.
Teddy: A pile of shit has a thousand eyes.

#6.
Gordie: Fuck writing, I don't want to be a writer. It's stupid, it's a stupid waste of time.
Chris: That's your dad talking.
Gordie: Bullshit.
Chris: Bull true.

#5.
Gordie: I'll see ya.
Chris: Not if I see you first.

#4.
Vern: You think Mighty Mouse could beat up Superman?
Teddy: What are you, cracked?
Vern: No, I saw him on TV the other day, he was holding five elephants in one hand.
Teddy: Boy, you don't know nothing. Mighty Mouse is a cartoon. Superman's a real guy. There's no way a cartoon could beat up a real guy.
Vern: I guess you're right. It'd be a good fight though.

#3.
Gordie: Do you think I'm weird?
Chris: Definitely.
Gordie: No man, seriously. Am I weird?
Chris: Yeah, but so what? Everybody's weird.

#2.
Chris: It's like God gave you something, man. All those stories you can make up. And He said, this is what we got for you kid, try not to lose it. But kids lose everything unless there's someone there to look out for them.

#1.
Gordie: Alright, alright, Mickey's a mouse, Donald's a duck, Pluto's a dog, what's Goofy?
Vern: If I could only have one food for the rest of my life? That's easy, Pez, cherry-flavored Pez. No question about it.
Teddy: Goofy's a dog. He's definitely a dog.
Gordie: I knew the $64,000 question was fixed. There's no way anybody could no that much about opera!
Chris: He can't be a dog. He drives a car and wears a hat.
Gordie: Wagon Train's a really cool show, but did you notice they never get anywhere? They just keep wagon training.
Vern: Oh, God. That's weird. What the hell is Goofy?

Five Best...Spaghetti Songs

#5. “Neal and Jack and Me” by King Crimson

Strange spaghetti in this solemn city...
There's a postcard we're all seen before...
Past wild-haired teens in dark clothing
With hands-full of autographed napkins,
We eat apples in vans with sandwiches...rush

(I had to include this one because it's so terrible)

#4. “Spaghetti Western” by Primus

Laurel and Hardy's the best bet at 4 a.m. on a Friday.
No dreads about the working day after though.
Funny thing about weekends when you're unemployed,
They don't mean quite so much, except you get to hang out with your working friends.
Well, we got us a spaghetti western on 36.

#3. “Lose Yourself” by Eminem

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy
There's vomit on his sweater already, Mom's spaghetti
He's nervous, but on the surface he looks calm and ready

#2. “On Top of Spaghetti” by Tom Glazer

On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese
I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed
It rolled off the table, it rolled on the floor
And then my poor meatball rolled out of the door

#1. “Lasagna” by Weird Al

La-la-la-la-lasagna
You want-a some-a lasagna magnifico
Or a-maybe spaghetti
Ay, you supper's a-ready now, where you go
Mama mia bambino
Mama mia bambino, 'samatta you
'Samatta you, 'samatta you

Playlist, Vol. V

Here's another chance for all you readers to see the bands and artists that I may listen to but haven't yet mentioned in a posting. I put my iPod on shuffle, write down what’s played and, like it always seems to, a song from Elvis Costello’s Goodbye Cruel World did come up. Here’s what I heard:

"Girl Friend" by Modern Lovers
"Young Boy Blues" by Elvis Costello
"The Real Me" by The Who
"Mabel's Dream" by King Oliver
"Slide" by The Goo Goo Dolls
"Midnight Rambler" by The Rolling Stones
"Boom Boom" by The Yardbirds
"Dance All Night" by Ryan Adams
"How Long" by Lead Belly
"Big Black Baby Shoes" by Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band
"Live at PJ's" by the Beastie Boys
"Hey Baby (New Rising Sun)" by Jimi Hendrix
"Sunday Morning" by The Velvet Underground (live)
"Lay Low" by My Morning Jacket